NSFW Review: Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers

NSFW Review: Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers

lopounderrangerssfw6So, I used my work day today to watch a 40 minute long Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers porn parody titled Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers. It was simultaneously more amazing and more of a let down than I expected.

It was forty minutes of my life filled with severe extremes.

So, let’s get get this out the way, most of my review will be focused on the frankly stunningly hilarious first seven minutes of this movie. You can probably guess why already but that’s where a lot of the “plot” takes place.

Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers features the highest number of forced sex puns I have ever seen in my admittedly limited experience with porn parody viewing.

In under seven minutes it manages to reference Ivan Ooze and imply that it’s a nickname for semen about to spray from Goldong (Goldar)’s “monster space dick”, imply that Rita “Repressor” engaged in a ten thousand year long blowjob which is why she was trapped in her dildo castle on the moon, rewrite the theme tune to sing “Blow Blow Punder Rangers”, rename the core cast of Rangers to Jizzin (Jason), Creamy (Trini which is a stretch), Sack (Zack), Rimberly (Kimberly) and Willy (Billy), introduce us to the Pussy Patrol and rename our anti-hero Tommy into Cummy.

You thought I was done with the puns? Oh no, I am only getting started!!!

The dinosaur themed Zords are now Dildor, Dongosaur, Vibrator, ButtPlugosaur, and MasterbatorSaurous Rex, with the MegaZord now the MegaWhore.

There’s also use of the amazing magic spell incantation “Here’s a spell to ensnare a man, I rub my titties with my hand”.

Yes, the dialogue really is THAT amazing.

power-ranger

So, let’s dig into references to the show itself. The basic plot of this pornographic adventure is that Rita wants to enslave the earth for sex reasons or something. She sends giant Goldong to earth, and “a team of culturally diverse sexy college co-eds” are drafted to fight him off using sex and kung fu.

They fight Goldong off with an amazingly terrible hilarious sex scene. I’ll get back to that in a moment.

During those first few minutes of our adventure we’re treated to numerous nods to how horrendously terrible the original source material is. I love Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, but I acknowledge it’s inherently mindless crap.

We’re treated to references to Rita’s notoriously bad lip syncing, a deliberately poorly paced reaction shot, a joke about how ludicrous it is that nobody ever picked up on them colour coordinating outfits with their ranger colours, references to the black ranger “being written to once per episode do something that white people imagine black people do”, references to the worst bands and media of the decade, how poorly hidden Tommy (Cummy)’s eventual betrayal was and more.

It’s terrible, and that somehow makes it amazing to watch. Every terrible moment feels deliberate and knowingly crafted.

Also, before we even get to the hilarious Goldong Megawhore sex scene, there’s still SOOO much left to unpack.

Within 75 seconds of the movie starting there’s commentary on how banning transgender people from using the bathroom corresponding to their gender identity is “the first rule of being an arsehole”, which seemed oddly progressive for a stupid parody of a 90’s kids cartoon.

power-ranger-2

It’s worth noting before the 7 minute mark the movie does equate a visible penis to male pronouns, which seems an odd choice when they felt the trans bathroom line was important enough to make their trailer for the movie.

Also Rita’s staff has a floppy huge blue neon dildo on the top of it, the Rangers “Cummunicators” are condoms, and they get “turned on” by Goldar’s giant space dong.

Oh, and the “zords” are just vibrators and butt plugs pulled across some sand by string. It’s beautiful.

So, let’s get to the darn Goldong Megawhore sex scene. It is the most amazingly cheesy, funny, not sexy thing I have ever seen.

It’s full of stilted dialogue about growing magically, the giant suits are too bulky to look like they are actually kissing, the sex itself is basically two giant costumes bumping against each other for a minute or so and the MegaWhore has giant breasts that connect to the front and look like spray painted plastic bowls.

It’s amazing.

Then we finally get to what appears to be the intended sex plot of the movie. Cummy the Green Pounder Ranger is turned evil by Rita’s evil magic and the rest of the Pounder Rangers decide sex is the way to break the spell.

But not before Cummy points out it’s stupid that they can’t work out that the character wearing all green is the Green Ranger.

The Pounder Ranger outfits are not terrible, but as someone who has cosplayed a Power Ranger in the past I can see where corners were cut. Mainly they spray painted standard motorcycle helmets as their base which have a slightly off shape and took some shortcuts by skipping minor outfit detail in favour of larger overarching brush strokes of outfit design.

It does the job, and the dongs instead of lightning bolts work well, but as a costume nerd I was sliiiightly disappointed.

And seven minutes in, we reach actual porn.

power-ranger-4The thirty minutes of pornography that follow barely acknowledge the source material at all. All of those front loaded puns and not one is uttered mid actual sex.

Sure they’re wearing their boots still and Cummy is wearing his gold shoulder pads, and you can see their helmets in the background, but not one pun saved for the sex itself is wildly disappointing.

Curse you Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers!!!!!

I guess the only saving grace is they end by discussing how they broke the spell using “teamwork, friendship, determination… and my pussy too”, before a freeze frame rock music end title card.

power-ranger-3

Ultimately, this was both more than I expected and less than I hoped. The material surrounding the porn was suberpbly packed full of cleaver references, jokes, visual and narrative gags, but not saving any for the pornography is a real shame.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers would never have agreed to a thirty minute physical activity scene with no puns, that’s for sure.

The Second Year of LauraKBuzz Content

Hey Everyone

So, today marks two years since I went full time as a games critic and my goodness the time has flown by unbelievably quickly. I don’t even know where to begin summarising the past twelve months of my career.

Where Year One of LauraKBuzz was a lot of big, long form and in depth pieces I hope will stand for a long time to come, Year Two of LauraKBuzz has been a very experimental year. Let’s look back at a couple of the pieces of work and events that defined my last twelve months.

Leaving Destructoid and Launching Let’s Play Video Games

destruktoid-goodbye_1So, yeah, here’s the elephant in the room. Until June this year I was UK Editor at Destructoid, pulling a salary and paying Joe Parlock and Vikki Blake a salary to work for me during UK hours.

We were informed we were being let go at midnight, two days before I went under the knife for major surgery which was going to see me out of action for at least a month.

We were left with two days to work out what we were going to do about keeping ourselves financially stable. That’s really not a great situation to be in.

I’m not sure how we managed it, but in that 48 hour window we managed to set a plan for where to go moving forward, get publicity for our departure, advertise where we would be moving to, sort out new branding and accounts and raise the funding needed to continue as a team on the same salary we had been paid at Destructoid.

I still find it amusing that Destructoid could not afford to pay us, but it took us less than two days to crowd fund replacements for those salaries.

If I talk honestly and openly about leaving Destructoid, while it sucks to lose the very powerful networking skills that come with being UK Editor of a known name site in the short term, I feel like in the long term our team is doing better as a solo venture.

Our successes are our own and serve to build our personal brands. We’re a tight knit team rather than a small part of a larger and more unwieldy machine. We have complete ownership to cover the titles we’re interested in without big exciting titles going to more long term staff members.

And with all our recent successes, we’re becoming a known name with a surprisingly high readership in our own right. A lot of my work at LPVG gets more views than it ever did at Destructoid.

I am immensely thankful to everyone’s support. Without all of you, there’s no way Let’s Play Video Games would be the fast growing name in gaming it is today. LPVG is the only place in the world I could picture publishing Five Games that Mimic a Urinary Tract Infection, Games Playable Single-Handed with a Dilator Between Your Legs, What JRPG’s Could Learn From TV’s Gilmore Girls, Genders We Want Added to No Man’s Sky, Clifford the Big Red Dog is a Titan and NSFW: What if Game Developers Made Sex Toys.

As open to weird content as Destructoid was, I know at least a few of those ideas would have been shut down as too stupid or silly. Jokes on them haha.

Writing reviews for Polygon and Jim Sterling

jim-reviewProbably one of the most fulfilling aspects of the past year for me is that I have been trusted and taken seriously enough as a critic to have people and outlets commission me to write reviews for them. That’s super validating on a personal level.

Polygon brought me back to review American Truck Simulator which was great because I genuinely love driving trucks down endlessly long roads and Jim Sterling brought me on to write his reviews of both Street Fighter V and Mighty No. 9.

I feel most proud of those reviews I did for Jim, because in his two years as a solo creator I believe I’m the only person he has commissioned as a freelancer to write long form content for him. That’s a really big thing I appreciate an awful lot.

Co-Optional Animated

A segment of me on a podcast got animated to a really high professional standard. That’s really fucking cool.

Emo Kylo Ren Makes AMVs and Plays Games

God this was a fun stupid little series of things to make. I need to do more stuff like this in the coming year. I forgot how fun these were to make.

Quest for the Boob Package

Yep, this sure is a thing I did this year. I need to do more on camera, vlog style videos like this going forward. I really like how the initial quest video section of this leading up to the unboxing turned out.

Reviewing a Tank Dating Sim for a Military Site

panzermadels3A website specialising in military hardware coverage paid me to review a game where you date sentient tanks. That was one of the weirder part of my year for sure.

I Set Up PC VR For Under £25. Results Were Mixed

12919146_984990888251973_1629751481_n-png-noscaleIn this feature I took a £25 budget and attempted to set up VR support on my PC in the run up to the release of 2016’s high end VR headsets. It went about as well as you might expect.

GaymerX Butts Talk

14445960_1121034044647656_884899625756920131_n

I unfortunately do not have footage of this, but at GaymerX 2016 I gave an hour long talk to a completely packed out room about the narrative design of butts. It went over well, people laughed along the whole time, I apparently managed to make butts engaging for an hour. A new personal milestone.

I really hope I get the chance to do that stupidly beautiful talk again soon.

Podquisition Animated

Podquisition Animated was a beautiful experiment this year that had to take a break due to surgery and travel, but I hope to bring back in the coming months.

Norwich Talk

I was invited back to Norwich Gaming Festival this year for the second year running and was able to give a talk on getting a job as a gaming critic which went over really well. Attendance was certainly helped by Youtuber Stuart Ashens promoting my talk both on his Youtube channel, and at the end of his own talk at the event.

Fan Meets

13466053_1036442606440134_7773867196936805839_nYear Two of LauraKBuzz was certainly the year I got to meet fans from across the world. From PAX Boston to E3 in L.A., PAX Australia to MCM London, GaymerX to the Pokemon Nationals and EGX, I truly got to travel this year and see fans from all corners of the world.

14939524_1150952828322444_8502387580188043948_oAsk me two years ago and I never would have believed there was a demand for fan meet ups with me, but this year has shown me there’s certainly a market for that. It’s weird to realise you’re someone people actively want to meet.

How SWERY’s Reactive Hypoglycemia Manifests Itself in his Video Games

how-developer-swerys-reactive-hypoglycaemia-manifests-itself-in-his-video-games-055-d4-deadly-premonition-body-image-1471255154-size_1000In terms of freelance features this year, I’m probably most proud of this interview feature with game developer SWERY about stamina systems in his games and how his own medical conditions impacted those designs. Really proud I managed to pull this together and find a good home for it.

Cooking with Depression

Nothing at all to do with geek culture or gaming, this video series started as a stupid joke and ended up becoming of of the most consistently requested things I did for a while. Not sure where to take the series from here but it was a fun series while it lasted.

Gaming Butts with Yogscast Hannah

I did a few new episodes of Laura’s Gaming Butts this year, not nearly as many as I would have liked to do, but perhaps my favourite was the episode about Lara Croft and Nathan Drake butts I recorded with Yogscast Hannah.

Beyond Good and Evil Leaks

original-2Much of my most notable work this year has been in the form of reporting on leaks and unannounced projects and all of that kicked off this year when I learned from sources at Ubisoft and Nintendo, the same sources who would later help me leak information on the Nintendo Switch before it was officially revealed, that a new Beyond Good and Evil project was finally entering pre development, and Nintendo were in talks to fund its development to secure it as an exclusive.

Later in the year, after pre development on the game was officially confirmed,  I put together a video explaining my understanding of the development timeline of the game over the past decade, and revealed that the game would not be a straight forward direct sequel.

Reporting on the Unannounced PS4 Slim Pre Reveal

slimSo, let’s talk about the PS4 Slim haha

The PS4 Slim was revealed by Sony on September 7th 2016. Two weeks before that, on August 24th 2016, I made a video about the PS4 Slim. I talked about possessing the system, I talked about the ridiculousness of PR inflexibility when it comes to not announcing products which have been clearly shown by press to exist, but I stopped shy of showing my own PS4 Slim.

Digital Foundry and Eurogamer had a few days prior shown pictures and video of a PS4 Slim they were able to test but did not own. They very quickly took that footage down due to unspecified legal issues.

I was left scared to talk about a product I had in my hands, which I knew for a fact existed.

I felt frustrated that PR had such a hold over me that I had solid evidence of a piece of tech existing, but feared doing any actual journalism with it.

Polygon covered my video and feature. I got a lot of attention. A lot of people did not believe my claims I had a PS4 Slim ahead of launch.

I was fed up.

I unboxed and reviewed a console which had not yet been revealed, and was still weeks from reveal.

I unboxed and reviewed it knowing there might be legal or work related ramifications. I knew I could be sued or blacklisted.

Outlets covered my review of the system.

I made a compelling case that my work was protected under journalistic protections, and I held my breath for ramifications that somehow never came.

I don’t know if it was my plea at the start of my review that did it. I don’t know if it just spread too fast for them to think they could silence it. I just know I got up a review and unboxing, which were not pulled not were there requests I take it down, two weeks before the system was announced.

Kotaku interviewed me about my review which was pretty surreal. I think that’s when it set in I reviewed an unannounced system before anyone else.

That was a pretty fucking exciting part of my year.

Totally Legit Gaming News

One of the weirder and more adventurous things I’ve done this year, Totally Legit Gaming News was somewhat of a response to being accused of faking video game coverage. I donned a Tin Foil Hat, read fake gaming stories and discussed video game conspiracies.

Oh, and got kidnapped by tin foil PR.

Best of Podquisition

Podquisition has been going for over two years now. I spent a LOT of time putting together a lengthy clip show of our first year. A good place to jump in if you want a feel for the podcast.

Switch Leaks, Rumours, Reporting and More

maxresdefaultSo, here’s probably the most comprehensive account I can give of my Nintendo Switch reporting up until it was officially revealed haha.

Since then I’ve done a bunch more reporting based on many of the same sources.

How Nintendo Ensures Switch locks into the Dock correctly

JoyCon R IR Fucntionality to Replace Touch when Docked

No Handheld Only Package at Launch

No Headphone Port on Pro Controller

Supports 128 GB Micro SD

Switch Dock Doesn’t Support USB Hard Drives

USB-C Support, No Kickstand Charging

Amiibo delayed for Smash Port

GAME Switch Pricing Plan

Launch Software and Pack Ins

Rabbids Mario RPG

I also wrote / talked about the stresses of working on video game leaks.

Villainous Agency – Undertale and Murder

sansOne of the things I did in the past year of content was complete Undertale’s Genocide mode. It took me 582 attempts and 20 hours of gameplay. I am not good at gaming but I persevered.

I wrote this feature about the fact that Undertale is the only game that has ever made me feel truly villainous.

I also wrote and performed a song about fighting Sans. That was a fun thing haha.

Are We Too Forgiving of Narrative Weakness in Hero Fantasy Video Games?

uncharted1aWell, this article sure ruffled some feathers haha. Very proud of how this turned out.

Improving Video Game Narratives From The Genre Distinction Upwards

image-2Another slightly contentious article, but one I have wanted to write for almost a year. Felt good to finally get it out onto paper.

Rethinking Video Game Difficulty Settings

imageOne more article that a fair few people disagreed with, but that I feel really proud of in retrospect

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!

Another year of the LauraKBuzz Empire complete and summarised. Now to push forward and see what the next brings 😀